Hey! What’s Panda Express called in Vancouver, eh? Panada Express, eh! Get it?! Because they’re from Canada, eh! Yeah.

Well, it’s Sunday morning. Almost time for the curtain to come down on the 2010 Winter Olympiad in Vancouver (I know right, and this is my first post on it in two weeks).

But before we get to those tearful closing ceremonies and all those memories, there’s a bit of unfinished business still lingering on the ice. Only the biggest hockey game in North American history.

Am I a hockey guy? No, not really. Like most Americanos, the big three of football, basketball, and baseball, drown out the sounds of sliding skates, smashing sticks, and crashing boards. And it’s a pretty far slide from third to fourth (just as it is from winning bronze to going home empty handed).

But even still, there’s something about this upcoming showdown for gold between the US and Canadian hockey teams that’s got even us pedestrian hockey people piqued.

I think it all started when Canada pronounced, “Own the Podium,” as their athletes’ Olympic mantra, and then watched those cocky Red, White, and Blue-ers roll into their country and grab a record number of medals.

But really, it’s because there’s a world stage event happening, the US team is actually pretty good, and we’re all a bunch of front runners. It’s “Miller Time!”

Having said that, I’m going to go ahead and be serious about this and predict that the Canadians will take the highest podium later this afternoon (perish the thought that the US could beat them twice in Hockey during one Olympic cycle).

As smoothly, gracefully, and athletically as that girl slops my runny green beans, slimy mushrooms, and dribbling broccoli into that squeaky white Styrofoam dish every time I drive through Panda Express (yes, it’s Lent, and yes, I’ve given up all meat) so, too, will the canucks drain past the US in the gold medal round. Look for the Maple Leaf-ers to transform themselves into Canada Express tonight, as their big forwards blot out the sun, blinding Ryan Miller just long enough to score ahead of the US team.

So, sing with me:

Oh, Panada,
thy slimy gooey beans,
thy pulpy mushrooms, too
Oh, Panada,
thine stalky broccoli smells so true!