I’m sure you’re all familiar with Charice Pempengco by now, that adorable little girl from the Phillippines with the otherworldly set of pipes. Well, after Mrs. Rengerz played me her clips from youtube (Mrs. Rengerz is a huge fan) it occurred to me that this little talent needs her own power ballad, a signature song that will indelibly define her forever.

Celine, Whitney, Babs, and even Bette Midler all have theirs. Charice needs one, too.

Sorry David Foster, Note to God, just isn’t that memorable, nor does it really give Charice a chance to showcase her superhuman range, (maybe not Mariah Carey range, but tonally richer and stronger). As it is, Charice can only be considered an homage act.

So, Charice (and David Foster) if you’re reading – power ballad.

As I sit writing this blog entry, I hold in front of me two different film adaptations of Frank Herbert’s 1965 classic sci fi novel, Dune. One, as you may recall, was directed by David Lynch, and released in 1984. This other one was a Sci Fi Channel production from 2000.

So let’s break ‘em open and compare and contrast.

Musical Score –
Hands down this goes to Dune 1984 on the strength alone of Brian Eno and Toto’s prophecy theme, which epically embodies the awe and wonder of the entire Dune universe the way the Imperial March perfectly captured the evil Empire in Starwars.

A gamely effort by Graeme Revell for Dune 2000, immersing Arrakis in Middle Eastern quarter tones (in keeping with Frank Herbert’s envisioning of the Fremen as akin to tribal Arabs), but not sweeping and transporting like the repeating four-note theme from Dune 1984. That one never gets old. Ever.

Comprehensibility –
Dune is no easy trick to adapt for film. Because its a brilliant sci fi epic with loads of intriguing and original stuff, Dune deceptively feels like a sure bet to be Starwars all over again. But it’s not. Though Starwars borrowed a number of motifs from Dune, they aren’t the same animal at all. Frank Herbert’s plot is more Shakespeare than Spaghetti Western.

Thus, the unenviable job of synthesizing the size and scope of the Dune universe into a compelling and coherent film narrative falls squarely onto the shoulders of the chief visionary. The director. Alas, David Lynch (or Alan Smithee) fails to accomplish the goal in Dune 1984.

Conversely, John Harrison’s Dune 2000 made Herbert’s universe much more, much more approachable, accessible, and enjoyable. Dune 2000 doesn’t suffer intolerable claustrophobia like Dune 1984. Arrakis feels like a vast open world you want to explore, and not escape. From the sprawling palace, to the dirt and sand markets of Arrakeen, Harrison does the nearly impossible in getting CG set pieces to emote realism.

The biggest real difference was the pace, though. It’s too easy to simply say John Harrison had a running time of 265 minutes for his miniseries, while David Lynch had only half that time for his movie. Harrison clearly had a steadier hand at the helm. Dune 2000 had a direction and a purpose, while staying poised within itself (and never at the expense of becoming boring).

Acting –
This one’s a tie.

Dune 1984 boasted some heavy hitters in its cast that produced well in supporting roles. But its tone was so leaden and heavy handed that it actually seemed to weigh on all the actors’ performances. Brad Dourif’s Piter De Vries managed to be the only one capable of bringing any bit of levity to Dune 1984.

“It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of Sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.”

While Dune 2000 can only tout William Hurt from the “A-listers” club, along with recognizable faces Ian McNeice and Giancarlo Giannini, the entire cast comes across as genuine and spirited.

If there has to be a tie breaker on this one, then it has to come down to the lead role of Paul Atreides, and the two actors that played the young ducal heir, Kyle MacLachlan, and Alec Newman, respectively.

Alec Newman.

One, he looks a little tougher (back away from the “weirding” hairdryer, Kyle). Two, Newman actually registers well as both spoiled ducal brat (in the beginning), and transformed messianic warrior (at the end).

“Where are my feelings?” ponders Kyle MacLachlan while staring up blankly at the second moon. My thoughts exactly, Kyle. My thoughts exactly.

So there you have it. Dune 2000 is just an overall better movie interpretation of Frank Herbert’s master work. (Now if they just could have borrowed that score from Dune 1984).

Can you hear it, that faint rumbling sound emanating from Southern California? No, it’s not plate tectonics shifting under the San Andreas’ fault again. No, my friends. That’s the sound of cellphones buzzing all around Hollywood. J.D. Salinger has died.

“So,” you may be saying to yourself. “Why would Hollywood care?” Well, let me tell you. J.D. Salinger’s masterpiece, The Catcher in the Rye, has been coveted by filmmakers and actors alike for 50 years. Salinger’s antihero, Holden Caulfield, is like the holy grail for method actors. The original (if not defining) angsty teen.

But for years J.D. Salinger (a reclusive and enigmatic figure for certain) had blocked any and all seeking to adapt Catcher into a film (and even for stage, too). A veritable who’s who of Hollywood have all struck out.

Sam Goldwyn
Jerry Lewis
Marlon Brando
Jack Nicholson
Tobey Maguire
Leonardo DiCaprio
John Cusack
Billy Wilder
Elia Kazan
Harvey Weinstein
Steven Spielberg

Basically, the next time you’re sitting court side watching the Lakers, just know that most of the people in attendance around you got busted off by J.D. Salinger at some point in time.

Moreover, it was Salinger’s reluctance over the years that made Catcher, well, such a catch. Nobody’s ever done it before. You, yes, you, could be the very first Holden Caulfield to ever grace the silver screen.

So, to summarize, the epicenter of that buzzing noise threatening to trigger the next big quake is every other producer, agent, and actor in Hollywood cold calling J.D. Salinger’s next of kin in a frantic game of “Let’s Make a Deal.”

Last word. As an author, I can sympathize with Salinger’s lifelong apprehensions about seeing his baby, his magnum opus, adapted for film. You just don’t want it ruined. “But the Harry Potter films are awesome!” you contend. I agree. But then there’s also that Eragon movie.

So, my favorite female tennis star, Venus Williams, has been ousted at this year’s Australian Open by Li Na of China. I know, everybody loves Serena. But Venus is my choice because of everything she’s not. She’s not her sister. Venus wins with class and dignity, while Serena redefines the word condescending in dealing with the media, opponents, and anyone within striking distance of her attitude (win or lose).

It’s always appointment television for me when the sisters square off against one another, because nobody has humbled Serena more in her career on the court than her own sister, Venus (Serena’s fashion sense off the court is another issue altogether). And for the record, this nonsense about the Williams’ sisters intentionally tanking matches against each other is preposterous. Have you ever known a pair of sisters that didn’t want to upstage one another? These two girls want to beat each other more than any other player on tour.

That said. Let’s poll.

Who’s your favorite Williams’ sister ???

Venus –

Serena –

I believe John Williams is the best composer in the last hundred years (and there have been some fine composers in the last century), and certainly in the history of film. So what is it exactly that sets J Will light years ahead of his contemporaries?

Well, the musical world is filled with composers that can create atmosphere that effectively evokes a desired emotion (see video games). But why isn’t that music transcendent? Why won’t the soundtrack for W.O.W. endure for generations like the flight theme from ET?

It’s very simple, really. Hum the tune Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Exactly. Now try Beethoven’s 5th. Perfect. Raiders of the Lost Ark. I’ll bet it’s stuck in your head now.

Melody.

Unforgettable themes and motifs that stand the test of time have always been history’s litmus test for compositional genius. Consider that a number of J.S. Bach’s children became composers. Can you hum any of Johann Christian Bach’s melodies off the top of your head? I’m guessing not. But as I sit here typing I can hear his father’s Toccata and Fugue in D Minor in my head (you’d recognize it instantly if you heard it).

The great ones always lull us into believing it’s so easy, like watching LeBron James dunk appears effortless. I could do that.

This is not a criticism in any way of James Horner, Alan Silvestri, or even the late Jerry Goldsmith. Fab composers all. But even in his late seventies, John’s untouchable. His scores dominated and defined 70′s and 80′s cinema like no one else.

Here’s to you, J Will. You’ve set the bar intimidatingly high for all future film composers.

As we all know, Geico employs two different pitchmen for their product: the Gecko, and the Cavemen. The Gecko is in the time honored tradition of Budweiser’s Frogs (which later blossomed into toads and weasels). It’s cute. It’s harmless. It makes us laugh. The Cavemen, however, are targeted at a slacker generation (or a failure to launch generation). This is a much more niche crowd, and requires a lot more skill to read.

Geico has been the gold standard of marketing for a few years now, and it’s a credit to their clever advertising that they parted ways with the single spokesperson convention (even if they are fictional) and avoided casting all their eggs into one basket.

So here we go … which Geico mascot is your favorite ???

Geico Gecko –

Geico Cavemen –

Me, I favor the Cavemen by a landslide margin over the Gecko. For some reason, Geico found that perfect hybrid when they fused an often-cynical, easily-offended, politically-correct persona onto a caveman. Comedic genius.

Why did it work? Because when the Geico Cavemen ads first aired (you probably remember the irate Neanderthal storming off the sound stage that started it all, and the subsequent “roast duck with the mango salsa” followup) the paranoia over being labeled intolerant had reached nonsensical proportions.

The latent message of the ad? “Lighten up. Now even extinct species are offended at being labeled.”

It really was cathartic to laugh at ourselves again and be reminded that we all evolved from one big, hairy, unhappy group of Pleistocene ancestors. This ad was genuinely a public service message in so much as it rendered a much needed public service. A bit of humble perspective.

Kudos, Joe Lawson.

Julianna from 3rd grade:

Q: What did you do first when you were writing Ring Dragonz?

A: Great question, Julianna The first thing I did was tape about 70 sentence strips together (ask your teacher to show you what those look like) and then I outlined every page of the book so I could see the entire story in front of me like a time line.

Cristina from 3rd grade:

Q: Do you like being an author?

A: Yes, Cristina, I do. I have so many exciting stories to tell, that I only hope I can be an author for my entire life so I can tell them all

Jenna from 3rd grade:

Q: What is Ring Dragonz about?

A: Jenna, Ring Dragonz is about three fifth grade boys, Walsh, Henry, and Peter, that go to Hong Kong to attend a prestigious international robotics competition. But while there, Henry’s older sister, Anne Mai, is kidnapped without a trace. Then a strange old man named, Sheshen, shows up and tells the boys that Anne Mai has been kidnapped by an evil dragon. Thus, Walsh, Henry, and Peter embark on a dangerous adventure under Hong Kong to save Anne Mai from vile enchantments such as Dog Rocks, Shadow Bats, and Zombie Whales!

Elias from 3rd grade:

Q: How do you feel when you are writing?

A: Good question, Elias I feel great! When I’m writing I feel like I’m not even on the planet earth anymore. It’s like I’m living on entirely other worlds. It’s so much fun!